Things keep on amazing me..not in a good way, yet. Timing can be bad for everyone. Past after past, present after present, challenge after challenge. Sometimes I wonder when theres gona be a full stop? I guess when circumstances change, we sorta change. And the fittest win. Not because theyre strong literally, but because they have the ability to adapt. When Darwin proposed his theory of 'Survival of the Fittest' to Mankind, I wonder whether he considered the humans changing their original values or principles that we possess with relations to adaptibility. That is why humans are so different than any other creatures. We possess the will and freedom to choose. At the stage of adaptation, you may choose to swim by the challenges without sacrifising what you hold dear, say for example: religious values, morality, principles, beliefs, fundamentals, etc. OR you can choose to go beyond- to infringe one's promises or vows to each other.

I find it strange of me, being hung up on something I care so much when it cares so little for me. To think that you learn anything after living for 26 years. No degree, or in my case, masters degree can cure you from it. Maybe it can distract you and assist? I dont knw only time can tell. But if only we could respect each other, understand each other's needs and set aside our ego, circumstances can be taken to a better place. But when you lose hope, when all the while hoping, it eats you inside. It makes you drown. 'I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope; for hope would be hope for the wrong thing' - T.S. Eliot.

All the while you forget that you are worth fighting for. And that there is no reason to linger when youre left with an expectation that does not want to exist. You forget that after all youve been through, you are stronger than you think or know. Its just so uncool to make contact with your past when one is saying how alone one feels. It makes it so...wrong. You feel betrayed by, I cant believe Im saying this, SOCIAL NETWORK! :) Yeah yeah I know its the person and not the technology to be blamed. Does that mean I should contact my past too? No, I think not. Id prefer making new memories with new people to reciprocate the old, dull & selfish past. I always wonder why girls like me are so...safe? Hmm never thought that I am because in person Im wild and crazy and excited for new, challenging things! But somehow I respect the institution of being as one, so much so I let it get in my way. There must be a balance womannn. Then again maybe I should just let it pass me by, let the rest be history and go on as if nothing has changed. For my own sake. And see how it goes again?

Here I leave, a very very old sonnet, that gives you some indication why life should move forward even after the cards have fallen.

Sonnet 116 by W. Shakespeare~
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.