Closer to the edge

As I woke up, the first thought that came to mind is that Ive got only 10 more months of freedom left! Time flies~ Last Friday my coursemates and I celebrated our one month anniversary here in London ;) We went over Lilian's flat house, most drank wine, some like me ate avocado hummus w crackers SEDAP OKAYY Basically we were gearing up for the Claddagh Ring pub next to uni. The moment I enter the pub somehow I knew twas Irish. The DJ was spinning really good songs from 90s till present and the ambiance was entertaining. Would definitely love to go again!

So Wednesday is yoga day. Usually I get up 830-10am, depending how late I sleep the night before, eat my cereal or toast, skype with skas or family, get dressed for class and gym, and head towards the fitness pod. It used to take 30mins to walk to uni, considering its up the hill! Its def a workout for me to go and come back edi. Now it takes me 20mins yeayy As I was walking, this random homeless guy asked me whether I have a cigarette and that he was super desperate. I look at him and said, does my face make you crave one? cos I aint got any. This was not the first time. I experienced it once in the USA. So weird la. Anyway, my yoga instructor looks so cool with her big ass rasta. She also reminds me of Nasi Goreng Cili Padi at rasta ttdi oh so sedaaaap :(

For the past 2 days I had Ashley come over my place for rice with Ayam Masak Lemak & Ayam Masak Tomatoe Pedas. I added potatoe, tomatoe, long beans and more cili padi hehe its so sedap I always finish 4 pieces of chicken at one time yummm Mind you my lunch time has changed drastically since I got to London. From the usual 12pm to almost 4pm! I actually enjoy cooking now. Quite excited to cook too :) Made a few mistakes but nothing girls cant learn. Asalkan masak wa makan saja gituuu.

Last saturday I met Shadz at Marriot Heathrow! Twas refreshing to meet your best friend under the circumstances. I mean what are the odds that you meet the closest people to you when youre miles away from home :)) After sharing hugs and conversations, we hung out at a place near the hotel. The day after we took the train to Oxford St. and Knightsbridge where Harrods is situated. We had osem tea and scones at The Tea Room! I feel in love with rose petal jam~ Thanks Shadz for sharing your experience in long distance relationship.

Today out of the blue, my flatmates both asked me about my "boyfriend". So did Ashley. I didnt know what to say really except that I was back to being single. Nothing I havent experienced before tho. Starting over could be hard for everyone, especially when theyre not around the people that theyre familiar of. But surpringly my friends here gave good advise. My friends and family back home gave me even more great advise! Thank you so much guys for layaning my miserable days. Im recovering faster than I did before, insyaAllah itll pass me smoothly. Come to think about it, its going to be kinda exciting to see what other people have to offer. But I never thought that 2 people like us can drift apart so soon and so mercilessly. Boy I just didnt read the signs! And I should be able to since its my second serious relationship. Truthfully starting over can be quite exhausting. I know why it didnt work out the 1st time. But this? Kinda gives me the creeps. If he doesnt know him, that means I sure as hell dont know him. Im not gonna stick around and linger til they figure out? Unless its worth my time and effort of course.

He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool, shun him; He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child, teach him; He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep, wake him; He who knows, and knows that he knows, is wise, follow him. -Persian proverb

I really hope the next guy can step up his game and not be so uncertain about who he is and what he wants in life. We are older and hopefully much wiser. Quit wasting our time la ryte? You have no idea how fortunate you are having girls like me, loving you unconditionally. Many look for a lifetime for the sacred bond between love and respect. Only a fool would ignore and let go something so genuine. But I guess there's a reason for everything. Everything we want and need in life can only be obtained AND maintained through undivided and indefinite determination. I didnt sum him up when we first met. I should have. Conclusion: no happy ending for people who doesnt want a happy ending.

Almost forgot this famous chinese proverb! "If a man fools me once, shame on him. If he fools me twice, shame on me". It refers to the same man and not any man in general ryte? ;)

Things keep on amazing me..not in a good way, yet. Timing can be bad for everyone. Past after past, present after present, challenge after challenge. Sometimes I wonder when theres gona be a full stop? I guess when circumstances change, we sorta change. And the fittest win. Not because theyre strong literally, but because they have the ability to adapt. When Darwin proposed his theory of 'Survival of the Fittest' to Mankind, I wonder whether he considered the humans changing their original values or principles that we possess with relations to adaptibility. That is why humans are so different than any other creatures. We possess the will and freedom to choose. At the stage of adaptation, you may choose to swim by the challenges without sacrifising what you hold dear, say for example: religious values, morality, principles, beliefs, fundamentals, etc. OR you can choose to go beyond- to infringe one's promises or vows to each other.

I find it strange of me, being hung up on something I care so much when it cares so little for me. To think that you learn anything after living for 26 years. No degree, or in my case, masters degree can cure you from it. Maybe it can distract you and assist? I dont knw only time can tell. But if only we could respect each other, understand each other's needs and set aside our ego, circumstances can be taken to a better place. But when you lose hope, when all the while hoping, it eats you inside. It makes you drown. 'I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope; for hope would be hope for the wrong thing' - T.S. Eliot.

All the while you forget that you are worth fighting for. And that there is no reason to linger when youre left with an expectation that does not want to exist. You forget that after all youve been through, you are stronger than you think or know. Its just so uncool to make contact with your past when one is saying how alone one feels. It makes it so...wrong. You feel betrayed by, I cant believe Im saying this, SOCIAL NETWORK! :) Yeah yeah I know its the person and not the technology to be blamed. Does that mean I should contact my past too? No, I think not. Id prefer making new memories with new people to reciprocate the old, dull & selfish past. I always wonder why girls like me are so...safe? Hmm never thought that I am because in person Im wild and crazy and excited for new, challenging things! But somehow I respect the institution of being as one, so much so I let it get in my way. There must be a balance womannn. Then again maybe I should just let it pass me by, let the rest be history and go on as if nothing has changed. For my own sake. And see how it goes again?

Here I leave, a very very old sonnet, that gives you some indication why life should move forward even after the cards have fallen.

Sonnet 116 by W. Shakespeare~
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Mending a broken heart through a little writing

I must be reading and surfing for hours to not notice there is snow falling. No wonder everyone is making so much noice. They are parading outside, making snowman and rolling snowballs. Sejuuukkkk

Currently figuring out topics for my dissertation. Was making certain some views of Islamic scholars are included in it, if not most. Since the class and the world is so adamant about "secularism", Ive decided to bring matters into my on hands and instill it in my personal dissertation instead :)

Apart from surfing and reading, Ive been glued to my ultrabook for one other thing: Sex and the City. Thats right people, only now am I introduced or exposed to the whole jimbang on the series! I hvta tell ya, carrie b. inspired me to write this post LOL. Carrie's bodylingo reminds me of Katrina K. for some reason hmm..

Anyway, im living in a hostel flat w a lot more others. But on my particular flat, flat 31, Im surrounded w 3 scandinavian girls and 1 russian guy. The girls are sweet, humourous, and for strangers, they can be considered quite understanding. 2 of the gals are from Finland and 1 is Swedish. Up til now I havent met the Russian dude of Room 05. Ive met his Russian friend tho, weird huh. The girls exposed me to late night supper of bread (small piece of waffle to us Msians), cheese, tomatoe and salt. Sometimes yogurt, yuummm. All Ive been eating is cereal. I recently innovate myself and cut few fresh strawberries to be included in my supper. Winter can get you eating like an oink oink! Here are some pictures of food, snow and family.

After stretching my back I decided to end this post as it is. Til next time, readers. Who ever you are.

Easier in Bed

by Emeli Sande

I'm feeling like a hole in your head
Like the last thing in the world that you need
Time to go but we hold on instead
Close our eyes and we make believe

It's hard, hard to fake it baby
Hard to endure it baby
This don't feel like love anymore
Hard, hard to take it baby
Hard, hard to face it baby
It's getting harder to ignore

But it's easier in bed
Easier in bed
At night-time we pretend
Cos it's easier in bed

You're feeling like we're failing the test
Our fading dream is breaking your heart
You know the physical is all we've got left
Coz the only time you see me is in the dark

And it's hard, hard to fake it baby
Hard to endure it baby
This don't feel like love anymore
Hard, hard to take it baby
Hard, hard to face it baby
It's getting harder to ignore

But it's easier in bed
Easier in bed
At night-time we pretend
Cos it's easier in bed

It's easier in bed
Easier in bed
At night-time we pretend
Cos it's easier in bed

Easier in bed
At night-time we pretend.